We, I, had the misfortune last evening of having left the channel on CBS and then being subjected to their phony Hollywood Film Awards. These awards carry about as much weight as those trophies handed out to every kid who participated in t-ball. Worse than meaningless, they are an insult to both the movie going public and the myriad of people who toil so hard* to create entertaining, engaging, thought-provoking cinema. The HFA are the opposite of all of that. It seems that the winners (there are no nominees, only winners) are chosen by a secret junta comprised of publicists. The winning movie, actor, screenplay needn't have even premiered or been screened! As long as the junta is in agreement, then okey dokey.
A few lowlights:
Hillary Swank not told that writer Gillian Flynn's first name is pronounced with a hard 'G' as in 'gill' not 'jill'. This is an honest mistake and one that we made up until I listened to an interview with Flynn on NPR.
Robert Duval, after receiving the Best Supporting Actor Award, delivered a nonsensical (what was not, sadly, to be the only nonsensical) speech about God only knows what. Where is Meryl Streep when you need her? No where near this hot mess, that's for sure.
It was painful to behold Queen Latifah trying to justify the very existence of these awards and lend them some semblance of credence. She failed because there was no other option.
Career Achievement Award goes to...Michael Keaton. Apart from the upcoming movie 'Birdman', Mr. Keaton hasn't made a film that I've been aware of since....I don't know when. 'Batman Returns', maybe. That was another uncomfortable moment as they tried to justify giving him that sort of award.
The most uncomfortable moment came when a completely and utterly wasted drunken Johnny Depp took to the stage and rambled and cursed, rambled some more and then cursed up a storm. This might be a bit amusing, except to see someone this inebriated is always sad, because you know they have a real problem, not just a tiny manageable problem like me.
All of this added up to the sort of embarrassment that one seldom sees, and doesn't necessarily ever want to witness again.
*Excludes anything by Tyler Perry or Kirk Cameron
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