Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Side of Pickle

With fifty fast approaching, I sometimes think about what it means to get older. Fortunately I've got something of an arrested development, so in my head I'm still 17 or something somewhere thereabouts. Carefree, running through fields of daisies...
Yet back on planet Earth, invariably these things crop up where I can't do what I was once able to do without thinking or batting an eye. Case in point; opening jars. This morning I was making breakfast and I wanted a pickle to go a long with my chipped ham sandwich and lentil soup. Do you think I could get the damn lid off that jar? I was banging the side of the lid with the can opener and then twisting at that thing until I was prostrate on the floor with grief. Finally I had to wake one of the kids up to open it for me. All for a pickle! But, the pickle makes the sandwich!!! Without a pickle I may as well eat oatmeal.
Which now has me wondering, what's going to go next? I won't be able bend over and clip my own toe nails? That actually is a fear of mine, which is a subset of podophobia. I don't have a specific foot phobia, but long toe nails make me cringe. Just thinking about it now has me grimacing. I can't even look at Junior's boyfriend's feet when he's in flip flops because I know that his toe nails are like talons, extending far beyond the tip of the nail bed like Freddie Krueger's razor glove.
Ah well. Aging is better than the alternative, and if it comes to it, maybe I'll be able to somehow trick MK into trimming my nails for me.


drollgirl said...

ahah! aging IS better than the alternative! and i will do you a HUGE favor and not describe my late great grandma's toenails to you. if i had a picture, i would post it for halloween and win some sort of prize for most disgusting shot. shudder.

TheWeyrd1 said...

Well...I just have no words for the pictures in my head now...thanks...heh.

Anonymous said...

I have no suggestions when it comes to toe nails, but when it comes to removing the lids from pickle jars...I simply take a spoon and carefully use it to lift a little edge of the lid and break the seal (using it much like a tiny lever). Once the seal is broken, the lid will be easy to remove.
A ~H~[eloise-style] Hint o'the Day ;-)

jennifer from pittsburgh said...

Droll, it's a pity that those pictures don't exist, especially now at Halloween ;)
TW1, :D :D
H, thanks for the tip! That's a great you had to employ once your jar openers moved out of the house, right? ;)

Anonymous said...

You're welcome!
Oh...and even when I *had* pickle jar openers in the house...I was generally determined to do it myself. (It's that "small woman syndrome" that makes me much too stubborn to ask for help. ;-) )