Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Precious Awkward Moments

One evening over this past summer MK, for reasons known only to her, mentioned to her oldest sister that we had broken the bed, and that I had repaired it.
Anyone who has ever broken a bed knows how this usually happens; during sexy times. The last thing MK or anyone in her family ever, EVER talks about are sexy times.
There was an uncomfortable silence, an all consuming void of sound in which the intimate congress gaffe finally hit home with MK and she attempted to recover by saying that we were innocently sitting on the bed when it happened. I was blushing furiously because my face seems to think that this is an effective defense mechanism. Stupid face.
More uncomfortable silence followed, because really, what is there to say? MK's sister is something of, I don't know...what is the word? Uncarnel. There.
My mind was whirring, drastically trying to glom onto something that I could say to clarify things and wrap them up all at the same time. Of course, if you're going to offer up another lie, and not even a good one at that, you may as well let the original one continue to simmer in the vacuum outside space. But I forged on, saying that the bed broke when I reached across to get a pen off the nightstand on MK's side to do the crossword puzzle. By now my face was the brilliant shade of red that a baboon's nether regions attains when in estrus.
The part of my brain that mercifully misremembers embarassing moments is now telling me that we moved on from this awkwardness and everyone had a jolly time, never to mention the broken bed again. For all I know the episode has been scoured from all of our memories, wiped clean, and quite possibly never even happened in the first place!

5 comments:

Phoenix said...

This is by far one of the most hilarious posts I have EVER read. I think the "stupid face" line helped it transition from Really Really Funny to Fucking Hysterical.

Ohhhh wow....breathing again, breathing is good...

wait, no, laughing all over again.

drollgirl said...

gah! i suffer from the same red-faced-in-awkward-moments syndrome! hate that!

and i have managed to break a bed during particularly enjoyable sexy episode. but i did not share that fact with any family. no way!!!!!

Miss Kitty said...

To be fair, we were not actually having sex at the time the bed broke. We merely had the intention of having sex when the bed broke. Still, apparently our mere intention was too much for the bed.

Phoenix, oh yeah, the "stupid face" line elevates it from amusing to pee-your-pants funny.

jennifer from pittsburgh said...

:D Glad to provide you with some fun, Phoe!
Droll...I bet you've got some tales of your own ;)
MK, don't even bother splitting that hair with me at this point ;)

H said...

Ha! I agree with Phoenix! This is *hilarious*!

I've never broken a bed, but wood floors and "rhythmically squeaky beds" have created a few awkward moments.
;-)

Thanks for the laugh!